Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The other reason I'm going to Iowa

Ever since My Genius Mother called me and asked if I thought TT and Bart could handle Cousins Camp without me physically there, we have had a HUGE dose of Mr. Wonky in our house. Both of my youngest cherubs immediately answered with a resounding yes! They wanted to go to Iowa and they didn't care if I came or not.

Methinks they have reconsidered.

It has been bad!

Rages. Tantrums. Things being thrown. People being hit, kicked and otherwise assaulted.

Did I mention the fact it's been bad?!

It's soooooooo hard to pinpoint exactly what the problem is. In fact, I don't always do that. My kids know that when they are dysregulated they can choose. They can come and talk to me about it and really try to figure out WHY they are dysregulated. Or...I can deal directly with the behavior only - which usually means making their world very small. (In other words, they get grounded.)

There are a LOT of reasons why my kids struggle in the summer.
  1. Less routine than normal.
  2. More neighborhood drama with all the other kids.
  3. A desire to play video games and/or watch TV that does not match what is allowed in our house.
  4. Dude and Dolly came to us June 15, 2011.
  5. The Summer from Hell (investigation) happened July/August 2012.
  6. Dude and Dolly got to go to Cousins Camp summer 2013.
  7. Dude and Dolly aren't in our family anymore. (This grief is still raw as we cycle through seasons and holidays for the first time without them.)
  8. Daisy's weekend visits, in general, worry my kids.
  9. CPS restricting our family from traveling together and the general frustration that brings to all of us.
  10. And of course, the general theme in our home because it's a constant trigger...foster care sucks.
As it looked like it was going to be more and more difficult to bring Daisy along just to drop my boys off at the border of Texas, it became more and more apparent that maybe I needed to go with my boys all the way to Iowa.

The temper tantrum Mr. CW's supervisor threw kinda synched the deal last night.

My Genius Dad is happy. He did NOT want to drive all the way down to Oklahoma to pick my boys up. My Genius Sister is happy. She gets to see me! (Yippee!) And in a sad way, I am happy too. I get to see my entire family...even My Genius Brother!

I'm so sad that I don't get to bring Daisy. I'm going to miss her terribly. Bringing her along was the only way I could really enjoy this summer's vacation.

But it is only 12 days. I will get a chance to get some sleep. I will get a chance to really play with my kids. And I will come back home ready to advocate for Miss Daisy with all my strength. There's a chance I might get called to testify when we go to court just four days after my return. I will need all my wits about me for that! (Granted, I'll probably spend those four days with Miss Daisy attached to my hip. But it's all good.)

Thank y'all for your constant support and validation. Sometimes I wonder if I make a bigger deal out of this stuff than I should. Sometimes it's nice to know I'm not alone in my frustration with this crazy System!!


Annie said...

No; I don't think you make too big a deal out of things at all. I think the fostercare people make too small a deal about it.

In talking to various foster parents around the country, it has come to my attention (maybe you've mentioned this, that the regulations seem to be written directly in response to something going wrong.

For example, in some midwestern state I recall someone having to have an official check by the appropriate civil authorities to made certain there was no raw sewage standing in her yard. Really? Who would think of that? Only someone who found a bad situation, and the situation included raw sewage in a yard. So, piecemeal all these absurd rules and regulations get put into place.

Could something have gone amiss with a trip? Their refusal to let you take her in state, overnight, is really odd....being that they trust you to do all kinds of other things with her. It's not like you were planning to drive her to a war zone, or that you are never allowed to have her in a car. It makes so little sense.

That said, God works in mysterious ways, and it sounds like your other littles really, really need you there. Enjoy Iowa, and have a Maid-Rite for me!

G said...

I hate that the people who make decisions are so separated from the actual children that are being affected. They just don't see how much of an impact these interruptions in routine make.

That being said, I'm kinda glad you're going to have some time with just the older kids and with your extended family.

You fought hard for Daisy. Now you can let it go and, hopefully, get a chance to recharge!