During the week between the pretrial (Sept. 24) and the final hearing (Oct. 2), I worked through a lot of big feelings. I knew that we were going to be doing a lot of those "lasts" and I was sad. I had really enjoyed having a baby in the house. (Due to life, it's unlikely I'll have a baby around again until I'm a grandma. And that had better not happen for a long time!)
Often times, after supper, I would strap her on and clean up the kitchen. I love to listen to oldies so I'd play Elvis really loud and dance while I cleaned. She LOVED this. In fact, as soon as "All Shook Up" would come on, she'd start bouncing and shaking her leg like she was dancing. It was almost like she was telling me, "Come on mamma...it's time to dance!"
The day after the pretrial, I had Herman take a video of us dancing together. I knew it was another one of those "lasts" that I was going to miss. I posted the video in one of the Facebook support groups I'm in online. I briefly told the story of Daisy and shared my grief over knowing our time together was short.
One of the women in that group just happens to have a husband that works for CPS. She's also an adoptive mamma. She said my story really touched her heart. Up until this night, we weren't personally "friends" - we were just in the group together. She "friended" me and sent me a private message that night. She showed me a picture of a necklace and asked if she could send it to me.
It's hard to find people in real life that understand this fostering journey. I've got a few friends where I live that get it. But my strongest supporters are moms that I've met online that are walking a similar journey.
The next week seemed to fly by. I didn't know if the necklace had really been mailed or when it might come.
Then October 2nd came. I think it was the only court date I've ever had where I didn't spend hours the week before stressing about what I was going to wear. I decided on a simple outfit of capris and a lightweight sweater. I decided to wear an ankle bracelet that I had made myself many years ago. I figured I could look at it during court and think fondly of what it was like when I had free time to explore hobbies like jewelry making - and think about what new hobbies I might take up after Daisy leaves. I put a pretty bracelet around my wrist that was made of different beads that my grandmother had in her costume jewelry collection. When she passed away my aunt had all her costume jewelry taken apart and put back together into custom bracelets for all the girls in the family. My grandma was a foster mom many, many, many years ago and I was reminded of her love of children from the hurt places.
I dressed Daisy in a simple outfit and we got ready to go.
Then Miss Daisy left a present in her diaper that rivaled all the gifts the child had ever given me. I had to stop everything and change her clothes from top to bottom (including the shoes - ugh).
OK. Deep breath. Now I was ready to walk out the door to go to court.
The mail had come during all that fiasco and I looked in the box before I got in my car. There, right on top, was an envelope from my new Facebook friend.
I ran inside, opened the envelope and wrapped that symbol of support around my neck.
And off to court we went.
Sunflower Farms and Shop and show Lindsay some love.