Saturday, October 4, 2014

Comfort from a stranger

During the week between the pretrial (Sept. 24) and the final hearing (Oct. 2), I worked through a lot of big feelings. I knew that we were going to be doing a lot of those "lasts" and I was sad. I had really enjoyed having a baby in the house. (Due to life, it's unlikely I'll have a baby around again until I'm a grandma. And that had better not happen for a long time!)
One of the things I did was wear Daisy a lot. She always seemed to calm down in the carrier. I know she liked the physical contact and movement. (I couldn't wear her and sit at the computer to work. I had to be moving.)

Often times, after supper, I would strap her on and clean up the kitchen. I love to listen to oldies so I'd play Elvis really loud and dance while I cleaned. She LOVED this. In fact, as soon as "All Shook Up" would come on, she'd start bouncing and shaking her leg like she was dancing. It was almost like she was telling me, "Come on's time to dance!"

The day after the pretrial, I had Herman take a video of us dancing together. I knew it was another one of those "lasts" that I was going to miss. I posted the video in one of the Facebook support groups I'm in online. I briefly told the story of Daisy and shared my grief over knowing our time together was short.

One of the women in that group just happens to have a husband that works for CPS. She's also an adoptive mamma. She said my story really touched her heart. Up until this night, we weren't personally "friends" - we were just in the group together. She "friended" me and sent me a private message that night. She showed me a picture of a necklace and asked if she could send it to me.
I was so touched. I gave her my address.

It's hard to find people in real life that understand this fostering journey. I've got a few friends where I live that get it. But my strongest supporters are moms that I've met online that are walking a similar journey.

The next week seemed to fly by. I didn't know if the necklace had really been mailed or when it might come.

Then October 2nd came. I think it was the only court date I've ever had where I didn't spend hours the week before stressing about what I was going to wear. I decided on a simple outfit of capris and a lightweight sweater. I decided to wear an ankle bracelet that I had made myself many years ago. I figured I could look at it during court and think fondly of what it was like when I had free time to explore hobbies like jewelry making - and think about what new hobbies I might take up after Daisy leaves. I put a pretty bracelet around my wrist that was made of different beads that my grandmother had in her costume jewelry collection. When she passed away my aunt had all her costume jewelry taken apart and put back together into custom bracelets for all the girls in the family. My grandma was a foster mom many, many, many years ago and I was reminded of her love of children from the hurt places.

I dressed Daisy in a simple outfit and we got ready to go.

Then Miss Daisy left a present in her diaper that rivaled all the gifts the child had ever given me. I had to stop everything and change her clothes from top to bottom (including the shoes - ugh).

OK. Deep breath. Now I was ready to walk out the door to go to court.

The mail had come during all that fiasco and I looked in the box before I got in my car. There, right on top, was an envelope from my new Facebook friend.

I ran inside, opened the envelope and wrapped that symbol of support around my neck.

And off to court we went.
My new friend does sell these necklaces. I've already had people on Facebook ask me if I could post a link to where I got it. Even though I rarely promote things here, I'm thrilled to be able to link to her little store. Go check out Sunflower Farms and Shop and show Lindsay some love.


abrianna said...

What a wonderful necklace. And what a great idea your aunt had for your grandmothers costume jewelery.

Annie said...

That is terribly sweet.

I don't know that I can understand your fostering journey. (You can probably tell.)

It is so painful....not personal sorry-for-myself pain, but the kind of pain you get when you REALLY look at what is happening to people in Syria or, to aged-out orphans in Russia, or so many things like that.... The agony of not being able to do anything.

I know the dancing the hugging, the kissing, the rocking, the napping in your arms...all made a huge difference to that little peach...but your helplessness and hers makes me want to sob and sob and sob. You are a hero to be able to do it.

jojonsane said...

i admire your courage cherub mamma!! i've read all your blogs. i know i'm facing the return of our little one in feb. i try to focus on the daily/weekly things for us all. it's my favorite time of the year...halloween!! you've inspired me more than you'll ever know.