Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Never tell the universe you're ready for things to settle down

I may or may not have had a conversation with the universe wherein I may or may not have told the universe what I thought life should look like now that we've closed our foster home.

The universe hasn't been listening.

Monday morning we went to the library to do school. Sometimes school goes better when we're in public.

It didn't.

We packed up our bags, I checked out two books for the boys but left behind the movie they wanted out of spite.

Sometimes I'm a brat. 
Once home neither boy could comprehend anything about the last couple lessons we had gone over in math and neither boy wanted to sit still long enough to let me help them with the concepts.

Fits were thrown.

By everyone.

Including me.

Repairs were made.

Life moved on.

TT picked up a box stuffed under a table behind my desk. It just happened to be the birthday present I sent Dolly back in September. The birthday present that didn't get delivered because her grandma lives in an apartment building and her mail box is very small. All packages get left at the main post office and grandma wouldn't go pick up the gift from me to Dolly. It was returned back to me. TT asked if he could have the gift. TT is sentimental like that. The gift was a small box of Lego's. I decided that TT could have the Lego's because keeping the gift for years wouldn't do anything to prove to those cherubs how much I love them. But every time TT sees the dolphin Lego set he'll remember Dude and Dolly.

I got glitter on my face from the wrapping paper on the gift. I couldn't wipe it off all day long. I swear the glitter just multiplied like a bad STD. So every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded of the gift that never got delivered.

I was sad.

I also spent the morning calling the psychiatrist office. I called at 9:30 to see if there were any cancellations for today. There weren't. They told me to call back at 10:00. So I did. They told me to call back at 10:30. So I did. Then they said there was a cancellation and TT could come in for an appointment at 9:30 on Tuesday (the only day the doctor takes new patients).

The afternoon sucked about school too. But I don't really remember what happened. We eventually got through math.

I went to bed early last night.

Tuesday started off better. The boys started math early and there were cheers in the living room as both boys instantly figured out how understanding the greatest common factor of a set of numbers will help them when they need to reduce fractions.

We left for the psychiatrist's office at 9:00am.

When we walked into the waiting room it was filled with people. Several of those people were young men. All about the same age as Ricky and Herman. All of them were wearing dark blue sweatsuits and full shackles.

It makes me sad to see teenage boys in handcuffs.

I checked TT in and filled out new patient paperwork. We left to go eat some breakfast. I had been told to expect a LONG wait at the psychiatrist. They said they'd call when we had one person left in front of TT.

After breakfast we went back to the doctor's office. All the boys in shackles were out of the main waiting room. The receptionist told me that "people" were uncomfortable seeing the boys in cuffs so they went ahead and started all their appointments first that way those boys wouldn't be in the waiting room with the other patients.

At 10:45am TT was called back to get his vitals taken. The nursing tech also sat us down to fill out an intake questionnaire. She had a real problem understanding why I wouldn't give her my family's medical history. I told her it was irrelevant to tell her if there is a history of heart disease in my family because I don't share the same genetics as TT.  She didn't understand but eventually gave up.

We were told the doctor would be with us shortly. I didn't let TT play any more video games. We sat in a tiny room filled with old, shabby, mismatched furniture and waited for the doctor.

She finally came in over an hour later.

Five and a half hours from when I left the house this morning, I returned. TT is going to start the medication Prozac. It's commonly prescribed to help with anxiety in young children. We should know in about 3 weeks if it's going to help or not.

The boys cooperated with a little bit more school in the late afternoon.

After supper I told my hubby something my mom said on the phone earlier today. Mr. Amazing didn't respond with great love toward having family pictures done with everyone. He thinks it's impossible to get 19 people to look at the camera and all smile at once. He promises he'll cooperate though, Mom.  :)

Then, out of the blue my phone rang again.

It was Great Grandma P.

New readers probably don't know who Great Grandma P is.

Old readers probably just gasped a little.

GGP called to tell me that her daughter died.

She called just to talk to me. Like a friend. Like a family member.

I told her I was sorry. No parent should have to bury their child.

Even if their child was all the sorts of trouble that her daughter was.

GGP has been in Dallas the past few weeks taking care of her daughter before she passed.

I couldn't let the conversation go without asking about Dude and Dolly.

GGP said she hasn't seen them but she's heard they're doing well.

GGP reports that Mommy C (Dude & Dolly's birth mom) is living in Houston and doesn't have custody of Baby Zippy either. Mommy C has no contact with Dude and Dolly. And GGP says that she won't have anything to do with Mommy C anymore because of the way she's walked away from Dude and Dolly.

I told GGP that if she sees Dude and Dolly before she leaves Dallas, she needs to tell them that I love them.

GGP gave me the name and address of her granddaughter in Dallas. I believe it's where GGP has been staying to care for her daughter that just passed.

GGP said that her granddaughter, Cousin Melissa, has contact with Dude and Dolly because she a daughter the same age as them. She said that Cousin Melissa threw Dolly her last birthday party.

I told GGP how Grandma N wouldn't go to the post office to pick up the present I sent for Dolly's birthday.

GGP says that I can send packages to Cousin Melissa and she'll see that Dude and Dolly get them.

I hung up the phone and cried.


Oh yeah, and while I was on the phone, my husband got a call. My father-in-law is back in the hospital. Again.

And my own dad hasn't been well. At all.

But my kids might hear that I love them this week. They might get that whispered in their ears.


Foster Mom - R said...

Prayers and hugs. You guys had a really hard few days. And while the universe didn't listen to the plea for things to calm down, it did listen that you needed to hear word on Dude and Dolly. Dolly had a birthday party! She has other family checking in on her. She will hear your words. That was great news from the universe.

Cherub Mamma said...

Yeah, I'm with you Foster Mom - R.

The whole thing really got to me though. I was just thinking about GGP not too long ago. Realized we hadn't talked since Mother's Day. Decided that I wasn't going to call her again. I made a mini-peace that that chapter was completely over in my life.

And then GGP calls me less than a week later!!

I told GGP when she gets back to the Valley to check in with me. I said I'd even come see her in her home town (where Dude and Dolly are from). I do love GGP and if she needs to see me for any reason, I'll come to her.

I never in a million years thought my post-fostering years would look like this.

girlfrog2003 said...

all I can say is {{hugs}}.