Saturday, April 18, 2015

I can't do anything about it

This is a long post. Most of it is recap that I've blogged about before. If you know the back story of Daisy, scroll down to the bottom of this post to see the new truths I learned yesterday.

Daisy came in to Care because she was beaten so badly her brain swelled. She was blinded. She had a broken rib. She ended up needing a shunt put in her skull.

The first foster family she was placed with was unable to meet her medical needs. She came to me several weeks later.

Daisy lived with us for 10 months. Those 10 months were filled with appointments with the neurologist, appointments with the neurosurgeon, two hospitalizations (one resulting in three burr holes being drilled in her head to drain the blood that was still pooling there), and weekly appointments with speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy.

When Daisy left she was starting to show signs of some language and she had taken her first steps. She was one day away from turning 18 months old.

Daisy went home to her mother.

There were court orders in place. Daisy's mother, Kori, was supposed to continue all therapies and keep all medical appointments. Under no circumstances was Daisy to have any contact with her father, the abuser.

Kori claimed that she was no longer in a relationship with Bio Dad.

Still, just a couple months after Daisy went home to Mom, Kori gave birth to another daughter. The father of this precious little girl, Dandelion, was the same man that nearly killed Daisy.

This, in and of itself, was not against "the rules". Kori is allowed to have as much contact with Bio Dad as she wants. Daisy is the only person prohibited from seeing Bio Dad.

The State tried to prove that Kori was allowing contact with Daisy while Daisy was in my care. They were unsuccessful. The State continued to try and prove this contact after Daisy went home.

Eventually, on February 24, the State had enough proof of there being contact between Daisy and Bio Dad to remove both Daisy and Dandelion from their mother's care.

The social worker called me to see if Daisy and Dandelion would be able to be placed in my home. We had recently taken custody of the Neverland Kids. My licensing agency would not allow us to disrupt that new placement in order to be able to meet the special needs of a child that we had known much longer.

The State worker assured me, as she placed these two babies in a local shelter, that she would connect me with the new foster family so I could pass along Daisy's full medical history.

Kori was very distraught and called me several times. She too wanted the girls with me.

Rainbow was upset as well. But she wasn't allowed to let me disrupt. She did tell me that the write-up on the State placing website was accurate when it came to describing Daisy's special needs.

I tried one time to contact the social worker to see about the Flower Girls. Her phone was disconnected or went straight to a generic voice mail. (I honestly don't remember which one happened - I just knew I couldn't call this worker again.)

Then my father died. I was forced by my licensing agency to disrupt the placement of the Neverland Kids because they were unable to find emergency respite care for me.

When I got back from Iowa I sent a text to Kori. If the girls were still in the shelter I wanted her to know that I was home and that I would be able to take them. She assured me that the girls were together in a local foster home, that the foster mom was knowledgeable about special needs and that the girls would be going to a relative very soon.

It really isn't appropriate at all for me to initiate contact with Kori. I can't help her at all with the girls. I'm no longer involved in this case in any way shape or form. I wait for Kori to contact me.

Several weeks later Kori messaged me to tell me that the home the Flower Girls was in didn't speak any English. This infuriated me. This had to be stunting Daisy's development and growth. But there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Again, Kori insisted that her girls were going to be moving to this relative.

I even told Kori that we were considering taking a new placement, Russell, but that we'd keep our home open until after court...just in case she needed to tell CPS that she wants the girls moved to our home. She told me her girls were fine and she was confident they'd be at the relative's house within a few days.


I took Russell to the doctor. I walked into the office and the PA, Betsy, took one look at me and said, "How come you don't have her?! You need to have her." She didn't tell me who. But I knew. Instantly, I knew.

Heartbroken, I gave Betsy a quick run-down of what I knew.

Betsy insisted that Daisy NEEDS to be with me. Then she said, "The foster mom didn't know anything about her. She was giving Daisy a bath and felt along her neck. She didn't know what she was feeling under the skin. I had to tell this foster mom about all that had happened to Daisy. She didn't know any of it."

Totally sickened, words failed me. This foster mom didn't even know that Daisy has a shunt and that what she was feeling under Daisy's skin is the tube that drains the fluid in Daisy brain into her belly.

Betsy went on to totally break HIPPA and told me that Daisy isn't the same little girl anymore. She's regressing. She's not happy and smiley. She's not doing well. Betsy said it too many times for my heart to hear, "She needs to be with you."

I cannot do anything with this information. All I can do is know in my heart that I did everything I could for this little girl. The System is horribly broken and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. My agency wouldn't let me disrupt to take the Flower Girls when they first came back in to Care and CPS would NEVER allow a move now AND I've got Russell...who needs me too.

I can't do anything but word vomit this stuff out there and then let it go.

Either the foster mom didn't listen when her licensing agency called her about Daisy. Or her licensing agency lied to her about Daisy's needs in order to place Daisy in that home.


I'm going to address a few points that are sure to come up:

No, I couldn't take care of Daisy, Dandelion, AND Russell. (Especially since there is the possibility of Russell's sisters Violet and Star possibly needing the safety of our home.)

Even if Russell wasn't in my home I couldn't do anything about getting Daisy and Dandelion. CPS would have to approve the move to our house and they simply wouldn't allow it.

No, I am not in a position to go above anyone's head about this. I'm technically not supposed to know ANY of this.

Maybe the Flower Girls are at the relative's house now anyway.

No, I'm not going to message Kori about any of this. I can't DO anything about any of this and it's all just plain weird. I don't pursue a relationship with Kori because it isn't healthy for me nor does it benefit Daisy (or her sister) at all at this point in time. They aren't in her care anymore. If Kori messages me, I message back. But I don't initiate anything.

Foster care sucks.


Betsy was instantly smitten with Russell. He's such the charmer. I smiled and agreed with her. Half-jokingly I said, "He's so easy to love. He sleeps."

Betsy said, "Oh my. Daisy isn't sleeping AT ALL. The foster mom complained about it. Said that Daisy wakes up the whole house every night."

All I could was sigh and say, "Daisy needs a higher dose of Baclofen."

Betsy stopped and thought and said, "Hmmm. I don't think Daisy is even on that med anymore."

Of course she isn't! Kori didn't want Daisy on any meds. Kori never wanted to acknowledge that Daisy had any special needs. And since that med wasn't "required", I'm sure she took her off it immediately. Kori also co-slept with Daisy despite being busted by CPS multiple times for it and being told it wasn't allowed. I'm quite confident that Daisy isn't sleeping at all.

And because CPS never let me have any contact with the foster family, I couldn't pass along all of Daisy's medical information. I couldn't help them with this problem that was oh so awful when Daisy was with me.


Foster care sucks!


Feel free to vent away about this and share in my frustration. (I do love comments.) Or ask any questions. I pounded this one out rather quick...word vomit style. I might have left a detail or two off for people that don't know the full story.


Damn. Foster care sucks!


Amber said...

You've got to be kidding. Poor daisy. :(

Pam said...

Why,Why,Why is it not S.O.P. to transfer a complete medical and legal history with the child????????

Joanna said...

This just makes me sick! I'm a physical therapist, and am horrified that she didn't know about the shunt. If it had malfunctioned, she likely would have just thought it was a stomach bug, and Daisy could have suffered even more brain damage by the time she went to the hospital. That is gross negligence on somebody's part, whether it be the agency or the new foster mom. Could the Dr's office report the agency to CPS as medical neglect and endangering a child, because they didn't ensure that the new foster mom understood what to look for in a medical emergency?
I was so happy that things seemed to be going well when she first went back to Kory, this just breaks my heart
Praying for Daisy, Dandelion, and you all too. <3

Cherub Mamma said...

I kept ALL of Daisy's records. I wanted to pass along the big, three-ring binder to the new foster family. I wanted to make sure they had access to everything that Daisy had been through.

The State worker at first assured me that they had the files I typed up for Kori when Daisy left my care. It wasn't everything, but it was a REALLY thorough run-down of dates and events. CPS assured me they'd give this to the new foster family.

I really wish I knew who dropped the ball here. Because yeah, shunt malfunction would be hugely detrimental!

Who knows if the new foster mom even retained all that the doctor told her about Daisy's condition?!!!

I wish the professionals in the doctor's office could DO something about this. But most don't understand how foster care works at all!!! In fact, the new PA that Russell saw along with Betsy on Friday was asking all sorts of questions that I would think she should have had explained to her prior to working in this field with the general public.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - all medical and educational professionals should be required to take a basic class on The System so that they, as mandatory reporters, can understand exactly how CPS functions and how foster care really works.

Meg0422 said...

It would be "ironic" if you managed to get an appointment with that doctor's office consecutive to Daisy!

Cherub Mamma said...

That would really be formally asking the doctor's office to break HIPPA confidentiality. And as much as I'd love to help this foster family, they don't speak English so I probably couldn't help much. I have to let go and trust that the doctors in the office really did tell the foster mom enough about Daisy so that she can be kept healthy and safe.

I know that ECI is still involved - and court ordered. That is keeping at least one therapist in the home every month. I don't know if the private therapies are still being conducted.

But doesn't do any good for me to know one way or the other. The whole situation just breaks me. And I really just have to let go. :(

Anonymous said...

Can/did doctor's office educate current Spanish speaking foster mother on full history of Daisy ~~ and was it done in Spanish?
Goodness, I am so sad for Daisy and also for you to now know a child you love isn't ~~ in a good situation. That is most polite phrasing I could come up with.
Please encourage everyone to VOTE in each and every election and to vote in favor of children and their safety. HUGS.....

kate said...

Poor, sweet, girl. Oh, Daisy!

I bet your husband is beside himself.

Cherub Mamma said...

I know that Betsy is fully bilingual and that she explained everything to the new foster mom in Spanish. I just have to pray that the foster mom LISTENED and truly understands the significance of this. And as long as Daisy continues to be seen regularly in this clinic, I trust everyone there to protect her health and well being.

Now...if Daisy and Dandelion are in the custody of the relative...I have NO IDEA if they are OK or not. For whatever reason I'll never know, Kori didn't recommend this relative the first time around.

And once they move to the relative, all new doctors can be assigned.

I don't know what is court ordered for Daisy's care or what the new caseworker knows about anything. (Because, along with all of this, I know that Daisy was given a brand new CPS worker when she came back in to Care as well.)

I just don't know. And not knowing sucks! But I couldn't do anything if I did know. I am perfectly helpless here.

r. said...

Did Daisy have a CASA?

Foster Mom - R said...

I'm sorry I'm really mad at the nurse. Not because she violated HIPAA but because she put this on you. And your heart is so big and you care so much- of course you want to help- but you don't need this weight or this added stress. That was really unfair of her to put this on you especially because you can't change it and it's heart breaking.

Cherub Mamma said...

No, Daisy did not have a CASA. I've only had one child with a CASA, Pumpkin. And I found that whole system to be perfectly worthless in her case so I never asked for any of my other cases to get one. (I didn't ask for Pumpkin's - it was court ordered by the judge.)

I could tell that Betsy was so bothered by the turn in Daisy's condition that I think she honestly thought I might be able to DO something that she couldn't.

All of our hands are tied I guess. It really is quite sad.

Anonymous said...

Can you post on fbk a running chart of dates and Russell's weight gain and new skills?
Particularly with the flower children's situation the fact that the system Can Sometimes get a needy to the right home would really help. But to know all your work went...
So forward again.

Anonymous said...

Mouth abscess. Hmmm. Makes me wonder if his mouth was burnt by hot nipple/formula. That would make him a reluctant eater and foster poor eating responses. Failure to respond to his name etc sounds like it wasn't used much and not fussing sounds like he has learned fussing has negative consequences.
What does Genius Bro think would cause mouth abscess in an infant? My reaction is perhaps the CPS referral should have gone in then. but many in medical professions are reluctant to call foul fast.
The evil people do to children is so sickening. Thank you for doing good things for them. Thanks also for the weight and info on fbk. Wish I could help.....

G said...

Horrible. Heartbreaking. Especially knowing that you can't DO anything to help! People (who don't foster) ask me all the time if I know how kids how have left my home are doing and I can't explain why I'm just as happy to NOT know.

The disconnect in information -- vital information -- is unacceptable! Ugh, ugh, ugh!