Sunday, June 18, 2017

questions I'd like an answer to

I sent the following as an email to the director of our licensing agency:

In order to best prepare for a kiddo like Daisy, I am hoping that someone from CPS could answer these questions for me.

fully realize that the placement is not guaranteed!! But in order for the potential transition to be a smooth one, the more I know about Daisy, the better. Also, there is the issue of moving a child with severe special needs to all new medical providers.

And maybe none of these questions can be answered unless the placement is going to happen for sure. It would be helpful to know sooner, though. I honestly have to go into this knowing as much as possible. Daisy was a very challenging child when we had her before. Her neurological needs were not being met. And as a result, she had a lot of sleeping and behavior issues. (I didn’t sleep for 10 months. I honestly can’t do that again.) I will need to know if I have to drive to a neurologist in Central Texas or if I can get her on the waiting list for the pediatric neurologist I want to see here (where we live).

1. What medications is she on now?

2. What doctors/specialists does she see regularly?
(Names and addresses would be helpful so I can start updating her files on my end.)

3. What therapies is she currently receiving?
Would it be possible for me to see her most recent evaluations or talk with her therapists?

4. What procedures, if any, has she had in the last two years?

5. Has she had any vaccinations? (I wasn’t allowed to vaccinate her at all when she was in Care the first time.)

6. Since coming back into care in May 2016, how many placements has she had? I was told she had at least two foster families and now she’s with fictive-kin. Were there more placements?

7. Will sibling visits be required with her half-siblings?

8. Why is she leveled “specialized”? Is it due to medical needs, behavior needs, developmental delay, or????

9. If possible to describe, what is her sleep like? Please be honest here. I need to know exactly what to expect so that I can arrange the best bedroom placement for all the kids in my home.

I appreciate any information that CPS can pass on to me.
Thank you!!
Cherub Mamma


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I'm not honestly expecting an answer right now. I'm betting they won't tell me anything because the placement is not guaranteed - it's only something they are "strongly considering". 

If that's the case, I'll do my best to make sure that someone does answer these questions before I officially agree to take placement of Daisy. I mean, I've said "yes". But like all things foster care...they can't just bring her to my home. They'll have to talk to me about this again before she is moved.

If at any point in time I'm met with hesitation toward answering my questions - or pressure to move quickly to adoption - I'm going to take a LONG HARD pause before I agree. I will not destroy my family by deciding to do anything without getting the proper supports in place. 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

a slightly more official call

The director of our agency just called me.

"Um...Cherub Mamma...do you know a child named Daisy?"

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Whoever Martin called yesterday must have listened to him. It seems there might be a special court hearing called concerning Daisy's current placement.

I was asked, on a more official level today, if we would take placement and consider adopting Daisy.

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I said yes.

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That is all I know for now.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

interesting phone calls and texts

A couple days before we left on vacation, I got a phone call from Ricky. We don't talk a lot anymore. He's a 20 year old man doing his thing. He knows our family is always here for him. But really, he lived with us for just about six months. We served him for a season in his life. I'm not going to push for extended contact for the rest of his life unless he wants it.

Anyway...Ricky's little brother, Michael, has gotten himself in some trouble. Ricky wanted to know if we were still doing foster care.

I told him yes.

And then, without going into detail...because my gut says nothing is really going to come of this...I said we could be a resource for Michael if he needs us. It would HAVE to be through the foster care system because I would need the financial assistance and structure that foster care brings to the party. But he could give the people involved our information.

Ricky knew we were going on vacation. I haven't heard anything new about Michael since that phone call - and the one that followed from Ricky's older brother, Peter. They know we'd help. But the people in charge of Michael haven't called.

I have no idea what will happen. I'll check in with Ricky when we get back home.

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Whiz and Rex's mom and dad finally learned that we were on vacation out of state. This information was not taken well. Auntie Carla sent me a text letting me know her brother is not happy!

I know that CPS told Mom before we left. But, it was somewhat indicated that Mom might not have been in a mental state where she would remember said information. I really wish CPS would have called Mom back and discussed it again to make sure Mom and Dad understood.

Either way - Dad is PISSED. He also now knows that the babies have been doing video chats with his sister, Auntie Carla. He's not thrilled with that either.

Auntie Carla doesn't think that Mom and Dad fully grasp where this case is going.

I'm not really looking forward to the next visit drop off after we get back from vacation.

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I got another out-of-the-blue phone call today.

Remember Daisy?

Well...things are still a hot mess with her case. She's still in foster care. Mom and Dad have barely started their criminal trials - despite the fact that Dandelion was killed over a year ago.

I "follow" both the CPS case and the criminal cases online by looking up the public information that their county publishes. It's definitely not all the details. But it's enough. I also may or may not have used some other resources to figure out exactly where Daisy is living right now.

But Martin, the caseworker that Daisy had when she was reunified the first time, just found out where Daisy is currently living. And he's not pleased!! In fact, he said ever since he heard it yesterday he hasn't been able to rest or focus on anything. He's super angry.

Daisy is currently placed with Kori's husband.

Kori never divorced her first husband. She just hooked up with Daisy and Dandelion's dad without officially ending her first relationship. Her legal husband is also the parent to Kori's older two children.

Kori and her husband have a unique relationship. Kori told me after the first RU that she was leaving Daisy's dad and going back to him. Seemed strange at the time.

Anyway...Martin does NOT think it's good for Daisy to live with Kori's husband.

And for what it's worth, neither do I.

Martin is no longer with CPS as a caseworker. He's now moved to the adoptions unit. However, when the TPR trial actually happens for Daisy's parents, Martin is going to have to testify as a witness. That's why he's still involved.

And he wants to get further involved. He asked if we would still be an adoptive resource to Daisy if the State could get things straight and get Daisy into a better home. He wants to move her away from Kori's husband and place her with us. He indicated that he'd do whatever it takes to move her as soon as possible.

I said, "yes," we'd take placement. I indicated that we would need support from the State. I'm quite confident that her neurological needs have not been met for over two years.

Again though, much like with Michael, I'm not holding my breath that anything will happen. Martin told CASA, and the lawyers, and anyone that would listen about us a year ago - right after Dandelion's murder. No one from that county has ever contacted us. Not once! So I'm not holding my breath that they will now.

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We're still on vacation for a couple more days. Here's to praying Rex gets to feeling better. He just woke up from his second nap of the day. I offered him a bottle and he drank four ounces. He then proceeded to throw up most of it all over me.

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Oh the joys of foster care.

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For new readers...
You can click through the labels on the actual blog page to read about Ricky and Daisy. They joined our family in December of 2013 (totally separate cases). Ricky stayed for about six months. Daisy stayed about ten. I'm still in contact with Ricky. I haven't spoken to Kori, Daisy's mom, since Daisy and Dandelion were permanently placed with their aunt. CPS let me know about the murder of Dandelion somewhat off the record. But because it happened in a different county, we have never been formally contacted in any way.


Sunday, June 11, 2017

Thank you!

The other day, my brother-in-law walked into my mom's house, where we are staying for vacation, and handed me this.
If you know my brother-in-law, it won't surprise you when I say he didn't know much about the card.

I think I'm supposed to thank someone named Courtney.

If it's you, Courtney, thank you! I'm not sure who you are. But I'm thoroughly touched by your generosity!!!!!! If it's someone else, whop my brother-in-law over the head and tell him everything so I can thank the right person or people.

The pork tenderloin I bought with the card was delicious. Going to Goldie's is a MUST every time we come home. In fact, I have to go back because I still haven't had my annual ice cream from Goldie's yet.

Trips home to Iowa need to generally include: a trip to Pizza Ranch, a taco pizza from Casey's, ice cream from Goldie's, and donuts from Casey's. It just is what it is. These items can't be found in Texas.

I am very touched that someone went out of their way to give me this gift card. It's little things like this that totally boost my spirits. I still smile when I think about the case of diapers that was sent to me when the Neverland Kids came. (I never did find out who those were from either.) Local friends have bought outfits for my kids. I've had people send gift packages. They're small things. Things I could provide for myself. But it's nice to have that help and support. It really does lift my spirits! On nights when I'm up all night with babies, or days when I'm so incredibly tired of changing diapers, it's nice to know that people are thinking about us and supporting us in the ways that they can.

Thank you again, Courtney!! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity!